The 9 Levels of cosplay hell

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The 9 Levels of cosplay hell

Mensaje por Arunova el Lun 30 Mar 2009 - 23:32

Algo que encontre por ahi, esta divertido

The 9 Levels of Cosplay Hell




By: SteelFan714 -
Published: 2009-03-03



Centuries and centuries ago some
guy named Dante penned a little work known as the Divine Comedy which
outlined all the wonderment and fun that could be found in the many, many levels
of Hell. Real family stuff.

Dante lived in a simpler time. A
time before internet pornography and entire networks devoted to nothing but
food, so it’s safe to reason his levels for such vices as lust and gluttony are
far, far overcrowded, and that a need for some more specific, more horrifying
Hells has arisen. Shunning all natural instincts of self preservation, Gameist
has seen fit to delve into the most horrifying of all these and document what is
found inside Cosplay Hell.
Circle One –
Limbo




Dante’s Hell:
Home to the unwittingly unholy such as unbaptized babies and good folk
that never got around to finding God.

Cosplay Hell:
The Pets



The first circle of Hell isn’t
really all that bad of a place, seeing as how most of its residents ended up
there more through bad luck than bad choices. Residing in Cosplay Hell's outer
ring you’ll find the poor creatures that were unfortunate enough to stumble into
the possession of a cosplayer, and in-turn find themselves forced into public in
a ridiculous costume. Their admission into the least damning rings also works in
conjunction with that fact that, even in costume, they’re still usually pretty
cute.

Circle Spotlight:



Mr. Mittenboots hates you, and the name you gave him. And
your kitchen floor is hideous.


Circle Two – The
Lustful




Dante’s Hell:
Those who made the most natural of sins, choosing carnal pleasures over
God, are forced to spend eternity being blown about wildly. Inexplicably, this
happens in pairs.

Cosplay Hell:
The Attention Whores



Ladies, there’s such a thing as
overkill. You’re an attractive woman that likes video games enough to dress up
as a character out of one for fun. You don’t need to walk around the convention
letting your labia breathe to get all the attention you could dream of. They
bait nerd traps with girls like you, so showing up ninety percent naked is kind
of like showing up at a bar absolutely naked. Sure, we appreciate it, but you
probably could’ve gotten laid with a lot more on.

Circle
Spotlight:



“Why no, my father didn’t love me as a child.
How did you know?”


Circle Three – The
Gluttons




Dante’s Hell: A
dank, disgusting marsh that smells of waste, which is probably to be expected of
the home to all those who made a life out of lying around consuming massive
amounts of future-waste.

Cosplay Hell:
The Hefty Heroes



Look, we understand that not
everybody can have the kind of rock-hard abs and stunning good looks that come
with being an online comedy writer. It’s not fair to expect as much. On the
other hand, we don’t think it’s too much to ask for some semblance of an
understanding of how that newfangled “mirror” thing works and the ability to
recognize that thin straps of fabric were not meant to be put under such
strenuous work. It’s just not fair to the poor cotton seed who worked hard his
whole life in the hopes of ending up as part of thong to end up part of a pair
of short shorts that are slowly becoming sucked into life as a thong.

Circle
Spotlight:



Under no circumstances should a resident of the third
circle dress like a resident of the second circle.




Circle Four – The
Hoarders and Spendthrifts




Dante’s Hell:
Life’s former tightwads and former Lamborghini owners spend eternity
dragging large weights while bickering over which extreme lifestyle was the
right choice (Hint: they’re all in Hell, so probably neither.)

Cosplay Hell:
The Dollar Store Warriors



There comes a moment in every
cosplayer’s life where they decide that they just don’t give a crap what society
thinks about their hobby. It’s kind of a must when that hobby involves
pretending you’re a teenage forest boy in green and white tights that you accept
a lot of people are probably going to look down on you from without the cosplay
community. That’s why there’s something to be said for putting together a
costume that those within the cosplay community can applaud, otherwise
you’re just that friendless guy wearing a cardboard box.

Circle
Spotlight:



At least the other examples can play the ironic angle.
This is just sad, and Samus having a crotch-bulge will haunt our nightmares for
weeks to come.




Circle Five – The River
Styx




Dante’s Hell:
The vengeful are more easily identified in this circle, as they spend
eternity fighting throughout the swampy Styx. The true stars of the level
however reside beneath the waters, the sullen, so deficient in any semblance of
pride that even sitting up to spend some time above water is beyond their
self-worth.

Cosplay Hell:
The Bit Characters



First of
all, let’s make it clear we realize the one guy above is technically a
Mega Man, but come on, who are you kidding? As for why it’s so terrible to
cosplay as a bit character instead of Solid Snake (really, even people going as
other heroes probably should have just gone as Solid Snake too) it’s because
you’re investing many, many hours of your life to get yourself into a character,
and you can pick any character ever. If the most you can aspire to for your
efforts is being that midget that tells the real star “Tough nuts, fat man,
you’re at the wrong castle,” or a nameless grunt who’s no-doubt bound to run
face-first into enemy fire only if the hero doesn’t accidentally run them over
first, you’ve got some self-image issues.

Circle
Spotlight:



T-shape? Really? Everybody knows the I is the star. Hell,
at least the L-shaped friend can still make phallic jokes all night.




Circle Six – The
Heretics




Dante’s Hell:
Oddly enough, the sixth ring marks the first appearance of searing
heat, which you would expect to be far more common in Hell. Those who actively
pursued beliefs opposed to God are baked into little heathen cookies in their
eternally hot caskets.

Cosplay Hell:
The Mandex Wearers



Scientifically speaking, there is
nothing more of an affront against God than the male form crammed into
form-fitting spandex. It doesn’t matter what you do, or where you try to tuck
things, at the end of the day there is going to be an unsightly bulge. For some
reason, many cosplayers still set out to permanently destroy our image of some
of our coolest fictional characters (and Captain Planet too, apparently.)

Circle
Spotlight:



Ignoring the obvious joke, we’d like to point out they
actually screened Batman & Robin on his forehead that night. In
fairness to Forehead, as a gaming site, that’s still closer to a girl than some
of the people laughing at this picture have gotten.




Circle Seven – The
Violent




Dante’s Hell:
The violent circle is home to those attracted to the unnatural in the
brutish and the beastial. Once again showing a tremendous lack of understanding
of how to punish somebody, the beastial are lorded over by a Minotaur, who a lot
of them probably want to bone.

Cosplay Hell:
The Furries



Look, we realize that Dante’s
violent circle was reserved for actual animal lovers, not just weirdoes
that like pretending to be animals. We’re not saying that furries are into
beastiality, we’re just saying it seems like a preliminary step. Furries are
unique in that all of the more broad communities, which themselves are generally
mocked (like here, for example) in-turn look down upon furries as unworthy of
being associated with them.

Circle
Spotlight:



Apparently nobody informed her conventions aren’t
actually held underwater, and an outfit which allows walking is
beneficial.




Circle Eight – The
Fraudulent




Dante’s Hell:
You would think being a phony would be lower on the damned scale than
being a murderer, but you’d be wrong. With the fraudulent coming in just one
step shy of Satan, it’s pretty clear God did not like the popular kids in high
school.

Cosplay Hell:
The Crossdressers



Then again, maybe the big guy had
a point. Who hasn’t been sitting at home, playing as their favorite
accurately-proportioned female character in a fighting game and thought, ‘you
know, this digital babe is pretty hot, but you know what would make her hotter?
A neckbeard and a set of balls.’

Circle
Spotlight:



Fuck, how do you get vomit out of a laptop
keyboard?





Circle Nine – The
Traitors


Dante’s Hell:
The lowest of the low in Hell are the traitors, and no traitor is worse
than the one and only Lucifer, who resides at the very bowels of the final
circle, buried to the waist, and must be climbed down in order to escape from
hell back to the real world. One shudders to think of the horror of climbing
down the Dark Lord’s grundle.

Cosplay Hell:
Tron Guy


Is there any doubt who the Lord
and ruler of Cosplay Hell will be? Anybody can show their appreciation for a
show with some cat ears and a few hours on a sewing machine. That’s child’s
play. Only one man turned a hockey helmet, a frisbee and an opaque white unitard
into something so horrifyingly brilliant that it would have been a crime for him
not to become e-famous as a result. What started out as one man’s quest
to build the rockingest, most crotch-showingest Tron costume has turned into
TronGuy.net, and, let’s face it, if you’ve never been there at least once, you
probably haven’t heard of the internet.

Circle
Spotlight:



Ladies and Gentleman, the Lord of the Cosplay
Underworld

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Re: The 9 Levels of cosplay hell

Mensaje por Talgoose el Mar 31 Mar 2009 - 1:14

me gusto la primera Mai shiranui.

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Re: The 9 Levels of cosplay hell

Mensaje por Azula-sama el Mar 31 Mar 2009 - 11:49

Muy bueno, sobre todo lo del Señor supremo del infierno.

Es increíble como ha ganado fuerza todo esto que incluso hay Campeonatos mundiales de Cosplay (los he visto, en You tube pero la mayoría son de series que jamas he visto y por ahi uno que otro clásico)

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Re: The 9 Levels of cosplay hell

Mensaje por ShinZombie el Mar 31 Mar 2009 - 17:17

La primera foto de la chica vestida de Mai Shiranui es actualmente de un set porno .

Asi es, venden fotos y videos porno de chicas haciendo cosplay de personajes famosos

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Re: The 9 Levels of cosplay hell

Mensaje por Arunova el Mar 31 Mar 2009 - 19:30

mmm gracias por decirme algo que DEFINTIVAMENTE no necesitaba saber ....

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Re: The 9 Levels of cosplay hell

Mensaje por Contenido patrocinado Hoy a las 20:23


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